Sometimes, I should just not talk

I end up making myself sound like a total and complete idiot. So much for that...
Things sound better in my head anyway. And nobody judges me there. Well actually, I judge myself, but I can deal with my own judgments. Other people's....not so much. It's too much to carry. It's too hard to try and impress people. i like my head. Things make sense. To me, if not to my teachers or friends. And I'm pretty sure what I TRY and say comes out idiotic and poorly thought out. Well screw it. Who needs people? I have a head. With colors and pretty things and my thoughts and Yann Tiersen's piano music.

I talk a lot. I know, SHOCKER. I wish I didn't. Maybe it's because what's going on in my brain is so awesome and beautiful and I want people to see. I want people to see the colors I see and hear the sounds I do. Because they are wonderful. Because the real colors and the real sounds aren't nearly as pretty. It's sort of like, HEY IT'S COOL IN MY BRAIN. NOT TO BE COCKY...BUT NOW I SHALL TRY TO VERBALIZE. That's why I tell stories and dominate conversations. That is also why I am incredibly difficult to deal with. Also, half the time I try and vocalize a concept I have going in my head, it pops out really stupid and not deep and just BAD.

In any case, I don't let myself hear what's going on in other people's heads. I should. I should just not talk. People appreciate quiet people. It may also be because I very scared of it getting too quiet. I'm scared that one day it'll get quiet and it'll just be me and my head. And I'll be judged and hear those awful things. It's your fault. What's my fault? The point exactly. It's this inexplicable feeling of worthlessness. It's because when I'm quiet, truly quiet, I feel worthless. When I go home, before bed, I don't talk. I sit. And sometimes do nothing. And I feel worthless. So world, there it is. That's why I talk. Because my head is perfect, and that's the very reason why it tells me I'm worthless. I can't find my happiness in my reality, but in my brain. And that in itself is pathetic. That probably makes no sense. (verbalize FAIL)

Overall, I feel relieved to atleast figure out why the hell I talk so much. I thought about it while I didn't do history. Whoo.

Cynicism and Kanye West

I am guilty of the crime of totally and utterly hating love. Well that was an exaggeration. I hate infatuation/teeange relationships. Now, honestly, you may ask, "How can you HATE love?". It's very possible. For one, it picks to bless only certain people with it's presence and its various forms. It likes to ignore others. No, I am not coming out of a breakup, but I find relationships exceedingly irritating and nauseating. I'm sick of trying to impress the opposite sex. It's worthless and wastes my time. It's like lovebug is skipping over my head when it decides to bite teenagers.

Boyfriends are overrated. Do girls REALLY think that relationship will last? I think love when you find someone who REALLY cares for you is great. I will remain a cynic until one day, God decides to be nice and drop a poor little soul on earth who actually gives a crap about me. I am content with my friends. I am getting tired of the lovey dovey disgusting manufactured infatuation though.

Now, I remain firm when I say I do not at ALL like 808's and Heartbreak by Kanye West. It's all about how he broke up with his girlfriend. GREAT Kanye! BUST OUT THE AUTOTUNE AND WHINE ABOUT YOUR SUPERFICIAL RELATIONSHIP! That will make everything better...But the songs are OKAY, when he starts rapping. Remember that Kanye? Rapping?
I've had Amazing stuck in my head for a while...It's alright, as best. Heartless is te best track, In my humble opinion. Please Kanye, go back to your College Dropout days...Well even Graduation days! Graduation was great!

And for shits and giggles, old school Kanye. This was a year ago...how in the hell did he change SO much?