MARISSA FREAKING FRITZ

Are you okay?

My Colors (Marissa still has more colors than I)

I find I am drawn to things because of colors. When I describe things, I describe colors. I love describing in general.
The coffee table:
deliciously cherry brown lacquered with some foreign sap of an exotic tree, lined with cocoa brown swirls, adorned with the occasional ring from a long forgotten cup of coffee

Now, granted that may be the WORST description ever ( I didn't say I was good.) but I enjoyed doing it. That counts, right? Everything has a color. Even voices, personalities. Marissa, to me you are a carribean blue. You know that blue that isn't really blue, but this tango between the clearest green in the whole world and the deepest cerulean in the ocean. But minus the transparency. But at the same time, I see you tinged with a peach with blush pink run through. But your mind, is definitely carribean blue, flowy and beautiful and creative. I'm not sure why I do this. (See, in my mind you also have many colors).

When I said I wanted to be a journalist, I was really drawn to the color of the occupation. Black coffee spilling over a corrugated cardboard heat protector on a crummy paper cup, shiny chrome door handles, skyscraper stillettos, typewriters clacking (yes, clacking), and ink smears in an awkward indigo violet so dark and so easily tranferred. The color of this is blue grey. It just IS. DAMMIT. It makes sense to me. In my head...Like I said though, I should just not talk.

I could be a zookeeper. That color is chartreuse, embossed with some celadon tinted leaf designs.

My doctor said it's normal that I have colors for things. I haven't really shared that I have colors for things but he said it may help if I start. I have colors for everything, so whenever I mention things, I will probably mention their colors. So I'm very content coloring things in my world. But I have a name for what I am:
chromaphile :)
That makes me feel butter yellow, with a hint of jade.
It also explain why I love makeup so much.

Noms and Brothers in law

I ate some nommy Taco Bell. Also, DAYUM girl 60,000 words! (envy) I present to you the ancient Embrace the Martian a Kid Cudi
Ignore the bizarre video


Of course, the equally ancient Day n' Nite


AND FINALLY, A VIDEO FOR "WELCOME TO HEARTBREAK"
I can't embed the video, but here is the song alone.


Kanye, what the fuck is Robocop? It's a fail....

Today we are going to visit the elder sister and brother in law. After being viciously attacked by my family at large last week, that will be awkward. Whooo. I'm just happy to go the city. I hate the suburbs. They are awkward. It's like GODDAMN YOU SLICE OF UNDECISIVE LAND, PICK YOUR LOYALTY, RURAL OR URBAN. STOP TORTURING HUMANITY WITH YOUR AWKWARD LOVE CHILD SUBURBIA.

Note to Marissa again

DARN MY COMPUTER NOT ALLOWING ME TO COMMENT
And yes, it is normal. There is a difference between wanting to committ suicide and thinking about it (hehe you probs knew that but this is where I will go off in a tangent with my random knowledge about human brain chemistry because I can)
If you have thought about it and are worried about what it would do to your mom or whatever, you will never do it. Ever. Suicide is a decision made completely for oneself, and thus is every bit selfish. Of course it's NORMAL to ponder death.
But if you ever:
-Lose any desire to do anything
-Start overeating or undereating and losing weight (yeah...)
-Always get sick (depression makes you immuno suppressed)
-Lose sleep (yeah...me again) or sleep excessively
-Lose ability to concentrate
-Racing thoughts
-Cry more than once a week
-Lose weight


In conjunction with your musings of suicide, I have news for you : YOU ARE OF THE POOJA ILK. But I know you are not that way.
But to spare being a drama queen, there are always those periods of time where I have SO much energy and it's sort of awesome.

(end of section where I brag/bitch about my knowledge of serotonin and dopamine)

ANYWAY
I had no idea it was possible for me to HATE life so much. Sometimes, I think it would be easier to live in my dreams. But I guess I have to find one freaking thing to cling on too and that's my friends.

As I read over that, I seem REALLY emo. I mean it's not like I have cancer or herpes (btw, Schmadam's ex girlfriend Marcella has HERPES. Like LEGITIMATELY.I KID YOU NOT)
I find that INSANELY AMUSING. In a cruel, twisted, sadistic manner.

I love words, words, words words. Here they go down. Down into my belly.

I enjoy words. I also hate other words.

Indian word: elaichi
Elaichi is the perfect word for cardamom. It looks, tastes, and feels like something called elaichi. It's perfect.

Indian Word: Pyar, Ishk, Mohabhatt
All those words mean love. Isn't that awesome? W have three fekkin words that mean love and each one is different. Pyar is just love, love for anyone ever. Ishk is almost infatuation. Mohabhatt is that crazy, passionate, I'll die for you love.

Indian Word: Kitaab
Kitaab means book. Its perfect for book. K is an interesting consonant. It's...undecisive. You don't always remember "k" words. And words rarely end in "B". The "t" is almost like "th". It just sounds right.

English word: Thyme
Its an herb, obvi. But its so pretty and it looks pretty. And the herb itself is pretty.

English word: Effervescent
BUBBBBBBBLES. I love words that I can connect immediately to an event or emotion. Bubbly, fizzy, bright, perfect.

English word: Infinitesimal
Okay. JUST LOOK AT IT. IT'S PRETTY.

Arabic phrase: ana b'hebbak (man), ana b'hebbek (woman)
This means I love you. Arabic is so PRETTY. GOD. I WISH I COULD SPEAK IT DAMMIT

More pretty Arabic words/phrases:
Kaif - how
Fel al massa - tonight
Ramadi (my favorite ever) - gray
Inshalla- hopefully (isn't it the prettiest sound for the best meaning)
Sabah El-Khair, Masaa El-Khair- Good morning, good evening

I'm a creep

I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? Look if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted-One moment. Would you capture it, or just let it slip? Because I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through.

That paragraph made no sense at all. I am done quoting songs.

Well I was thinking and I have this bizzare desire to move somewhere new. Like it would be crazy awesome to move to a sick city, like Philadelphia and just live there. Meet entirely new people, work at some awesome little vintage book shop and just reinvent myself. That sounds really weird and I would miss my friends.

Meh Whatevs. Any comments Mursie?

Note to Marissa

Hello there.
For some reason, your new layout on your blog does not allow for me to post comments.
But, sorry about that...
Hehe I fail at the whole "UNDERSTANDING WHAT PEOPLE MEAN" thing....